Diarrhea

Warning: This post is a bit red-neck and in very poor taste, but I found my situation too funny to resist. Please don't hold it against me.

As I was leaving business trip to Jackson MS Monday morning I got sick and threw up in the parking lot as I was leaving. Now it turns out the throwing-up had nothing to do with Jackson MS, but was non-the-less foreboding.

By the time I made it to Jackson and checked into my hotel I knew something was seriously wrong with my gut. I hadn't eaten all day. I ordered room service but only ate a scoop of ice cream and a couple bites of salad as all of the food tasted bad. That was around 9:15. From that point on my schedule went something like this:

10:00 pm sitting on the pot
11:00 pm sitting on the pot
12:00 am sitting on the pot
1:00 am sitting on the pot
2:00 am ... you get the idea... every hour on the hour...clockwork

If you've ever seen a dairy cow taking a leak you know how I was feeling.

To stay hydrated I tried to drink water throughout the night, however I think drinking water was more like reloading the cannon.

Now to compound problems, my digestive troubles were coupled with an itchy throat / cough. Now everybody with diarrhea knows a cough is not your friend. Especially when you're trying to sleep...

Well, anyhow at some point in the night I must've been sleeping and coughed as little to hard .... yep, I'd soiled my pants while sleeping.

At that point I was so used to running back and forth to the bathroom that it didn't matter much anyhow.

I wasn't presenting my part the next day until the afternoon so I checked out late and did my presentation in the afternoon. I quit drinking anything and kept popping pepto and that sortof dried me out for a while. Everything went well at the meeting. I actually got to feeling better and ate a sandwich on the way home to Nashville late Tuesday.

Wednesday morning arrived and the big D was back though. I awakened once in the middle of the night with a bad spell, and then another when I woke up late for work.

That morning I was rushing brushing my teeth getting ready to jump in the shower. Have you ever been standing around naked brushing your teeth, coughed, and had poop shoot out your butt onto the carpet? I twisted as fast as I could to try to get my back-end onto the toilet but it was too late.

Luckily I have an understanding wife who didn't laugh at me mercilessly when I asked "Can you get the Rug Doctor?"

Thanks to my wife for putting up with my crap.