How to get to work late - 20 step program

How to get to work late in 20 steps (give or take)

- There's no need to iron your shirt and pants the night before, because you can just iron them in the morning. You'll have time...

- When the alarm goes off, just lie there in bed for another 15 minutes. You can always speed things up and still get to work on time.

- As a procrastinator you've probably already set your clock 15 minutes fast in anticipation of oversleeping anyway, so in all truthfulness it's a wash.

- As you're still lying there in bed you convince yourself it's no problem to take a 3 minute shower. And who really needs to dry off anyway? Just throw those clothes on and right off to work you go.

- Revision - since you haven't ironed your clothes yet you can drip dry while you're ironing. Multitasking - that'll save you even more time!

- And if you're really on your game you can triple-task and brush your teeth at the same time.

- yeah, your hair does look kindof funny the way it dried. The "Flock-of-Seagulls-look" went out in the 80s. Let's rewet the hair and try that again.

- oh yeah, you better shave too - but I warn you to not multitask there. Trying to brush your teeth while shaving is not a good idea. One false move in the morning stupor and you'll be putting toothpaste on your razor and shaving your teeth.

- where did you put that new tube of deoderant?

- "Honey, does this shirt match these pants?" In most cases the answer is "No" so you'll need to iron another shirt or pair of pants.

- What do you mean I slobbered toothpaste all over my shirt? How could that have happened?

- I wish that nick on my chin would stop bleeding.

- If you're lucky you can wear your emergency "no-ironing-needed" clothes that you save for times like these. Unfortunately you already had to wear those yesterday.

- Regarding Traffic: Be optimistic. The rain is probably just a slight drizzle. And there can't be wrecks every single day that it rains. Assume that today your commute will go off without a hitch...

- As you're stuck behind the schoolbus you wonder "Can't these kids move any faster?" and "Why do these little punks need to go to school at the same time I'm going to work anyhow?" Kids really should have to be at school by at least 6:00am to get them out of the way of those of us working and actually paying taxes! It's all about respect. I mean at least let me pass the schoolbus while the herd is mozying their way onboard.

- And what's up with those 15mph school zone speed limits? Stop coddling these pansies. The sooner they're exposed to the real world the better! They're young and have great reflexes - they all play these twitchy video games - so they're more than prepared for real life Frogger. Surely too many wouldn't get hit. Half of 'em are probably going to end up in jail anyhow, do we really need to be that careful?

- You finally get out from behind the bus. Now why is that ambulance coming just as your light is turning green? Now you're going to have to sit there in the rain another 2 minutes.

- I sure hope everyone else at work is stuck in traffic too. That at least gives me an excuse.

- Am I already out of gas? I might as well run in and get some coffee and a donut too.

- Why can't they get these traffic lights synced up?

- Are they ever going to get this road construction finished? I don't think I've seen anybody working on it in months.

- Finally almost made it to work. And why do I always have to park out in deep center-field? Since it's an emergency I would park in the up-close visitors parking, but it's already full. The visitors should have to park way out there - not me. As a hard working employee I should get the primo up-front spots! Heck after what I've been through they oughta be glad I'm even here at all.

- Where is my umbrella?

- With all this stress I'm going to have to knock off early this afternoon to recouperate.